I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
