does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
