I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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