I'm so fucking centered right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize