Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's great music for shaving your balls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
