Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
