I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
