did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
