I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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