GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
