when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
