Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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