Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
