Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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