Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
