i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
