found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
