my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
