Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
