garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
