You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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