I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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