She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
