dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
