I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
