i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize