It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
