Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
