you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
