absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
