who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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