The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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