Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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