Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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