Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
