eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
