he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
