ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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