Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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