tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
