I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
