i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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