left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
