Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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