New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
