You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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