He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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