She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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