Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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