my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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