it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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