Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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