So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
