my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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