His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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