went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
