fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
