Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
