I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
