She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
