He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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