I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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