smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize