my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
