it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
