hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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