Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
