Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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