I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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