you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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