one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
