How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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