I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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