i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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