I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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