and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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