Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
