Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
