Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
