Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
