I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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