..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
