how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
