News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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