you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
