Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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