I wish I could punch you in the face.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
as a side note pls kill me
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