i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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