i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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