I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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