dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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