a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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