Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
