So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
