awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
