i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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