I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
