Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
