I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
