Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
